Ok, I have decided it is time for a much needed vacation.  I am going to start the planning process now.  I think I will go to Ocracoke and just escape for a while.  I really love it and I can't to go.  I'm thinking around October.  Why wait so long?  Because there is nothing better than the beach in the fall.  It is perfect for reflection and to just sit around and enjoy being away from cares and worries.  The fast pace of summer has subsided and it is mainly the locals and they appreciate your presence alot more.  They have time to smile and maybe say hi.  I love the beach in the morning.  I rarely know when morning roles around but not at the beach.  I love it there.  I think my dream home would be a lonely house on a beach where I can reflect.  Well, maybe not because I would get totally bored and want to shoot myself.  But for a week it is totally awesome.  I really want some time away and to just relax.  After all my work I am ready for some much needed time off.  I'll let you guys know about the plans as they develop.

http://www.peacefrogs.com/store/product1.cfm?SID=1&Product_ID=1621&Category_ID=113&oatsad=59

Hey everybody.  Just wanted to put this on my page.  It is a link to the above shirt.  I personally love the peace frogs and am proud to say I own a couple of shirts from them.  The shirts are made of quality material and are very comfortable.  They have many different types but I thought it would be nice since it is coming up Memorial Day to show some support.  Drop by and visit the frogs and the gang.

Ok, here is what I need.  I need a night where this is my only goal.  To have that look on my face.  I think that look says it all.  I want to feel special and loved.  I want to know that the person I am with is where they want to be.  I want to be the only thought on their mind and my pleasure is their mission on that one night.  I try to make everyone around me feel special everyday.  If someone has a problem I will do my best to make it better.  If I can't make it better it will not be because I didn't try.  I just want someone to feel that I am that special to just one person for that one night.  That would just be awesome.  Hmmmm....maybe someday.

“I BELIEVE THAT FRIENDS ARE QUIET ANGELS WHO LIFT US TO OUR FEET WHEN OUR
WINGS HAVE TROUBLE REMEMBERING HOW TO FLY.”

Unknown

Ok, some of you have been curious and I guess it has gone on long enough.  They say confession is good for the soul.  But I ask you this, who is they and have they ever confessed.  So here goes.  My reason for being so happy lately is a guy.  Ok there, I have said it.  We are just friends, have been for quite a while and that will not change until I officially have my last name back.

Ever since this has all happened, he has been by my side.  He has been my support and my rock.  He has never insisted on keeping our friendship a secret but I didn't feel right.  Now, I just don't care anymore.  He is the friend I wrote about in the previous blog.  I have leaned on him so many times and vice versa.  He has a daughter and that situation is very tricky as well.  I don't want to get too close to her but she knows me and has since she was born.  I care about him and her very much.  They are a major part of my life and always have been.  But the other night when we were laughing and talking and just being the friends we always have he told me he was glad I was back.  I told him I had never really gone anywhere.  The he tells me that maybe not physically but the light in my eyes had gone out and he was glad to see it was back.  And before I knew what I had said, I told him that the light that was missing was him.  That was the first time I realized it.

The mother of his child is not in the picture and never has been.  Long story and some people just are not meant to be parents.  He has long been a support and strength when I needed him.  I don't have any idea where this is going to go but I am working on it.  He was with me thru previous relationships and grudgingly supported my marriage.  He always thought I could do better.  So now we are on cruise control and just seeing where this is gonna go.  I don't want to be in a "relationship" right now.  I want to enjoy my life and breathe and find out who Mary really is for a while.  He understands that and is really pleased.  He told me he has been ready for a relationship for a while but as long as he has me, the rest will work itself out.

My question is, "Why did I have to go thru that to find him?".  But like Boomer Bob says, you have to go thru some things to prepare you for the good stuff that is waiting on you.  So you will be hearing more about us and what is happening.  We are friends still and will be until the time is right.  He is one of those truly amazing people that are always by you and one day you look around and see them in a different light.  Like the song says, I saved the best for last.

Hello everyone.  Sorry it has been a bit but life is actually picking up for me a little.  I have been working my way back into myself lately and things are actually starting to look better.  I had an eventful evening the other night.  It was fun and made me feel tremendously better about me.  It touched on some aspects of me that were damaged that I was unaware of.  The friend I was with helped me to realize that and offered alot of support thru that.  The sad part is this friend doesn't even come to my page to see this. I may have to find a way to fix that.  But anyway, with the support of that particular friend and the help offered, I felt confident enough to do the one thing that was missing.  I now have the paperwork for my divorce.  I am so excited.  In my state you can have your name changed back as one of the parts of the divorce.  Seeing that part of the petition in writing with my name being back to what it was and his name no where associated with it looked so good.  I am a few signatures away from freedom.  I can't wait.  So much has been happening.  I have been talking to her, my husband's new woman, and she has filled me in on so much.  Now it looks like that may have all been a lie.  This is what I couldn't put here.  Sometimes he may still come here but he found out the other night so it's no secret anymore.  I haven't talked to her in several days and so I'm not worrying about it anymore.  If she wants that meaness, disloyalty and violence, more power to her.  Hope it works out better for her than for me.  I am moving on and not looking back.  Yeeeehaaaa! Anyway, just thought I would give you guys a little update and say howdy.  I'll be dropping by your pages soon.

Have you ever thought about life?  It is so much like a waterfall.  You are just piddling along in your stream, everything is calm.  Then all of a sudden here comes a rapid.   Nothing you think you can't handle and then you finally get to the top of the rapid and you see what lies ahead.  Clear skies and beautiful water.  Just when you get complacent you suddenly have the earth fall out from under you.  Granted, this is not always a bad thing.  Sometimes the fall is fun.  And the best part if you look around there are others just like you falling over the same cliff.  Some waterfalls are longer and some are short.  It takes you a little time to fall and reach the bottom.  But then once you get to the bottom, you find a nice serene pool.  It is a nice little pool for you just to lay around in and relax and catch your breath.  Then you decide it is time to venture back out into the mainstream again.  Then you start all over.  Funny isn't it?

It Must Have Been Love 
Roxette

I love to play with things.  I found this on a friends page and just had to try it.  I really like it.  I am soooo tired right now that I am barely functioning.  Anyway, I thought I would update you guys on a little bit of information.

First, one of my best friends, Landon's mom, Sarah, called me yesterday.  She asked for a favor.  Omg when she told me what it was, I was so excited.  You see the whole kid thing, it will never happen for me.  But I have Landon.  I also have other kids that belong to me too that give me the opportunity to do the whole parent thing with all the benefits and not many of the hassles.  See, I can spoil them, argue with them even fight and share with them and not have to deal with the consequences.  I have 4 teenagers that I borrow as well as the younger babies.  So the favor she needed is to go on a field trip with Landon.  She will be working and its on a Monday and her husband works nights and she can't miss work.  I get to go with Landon on his field trip.  Not only do I get to go, we are going to Tweetsie Railroad.  Yeehaa!!!!!  I love that place.  Its an old cowboy type place with a real working train that you ride on and there are indian and cowboy fights.  Actual fake shootouts.  The train goes thru an indian village (make believe of course) and an old fort.  Kinda cheesy?  Yes but the kids love it.  Even the big kids.  Heehee!  Landon really likes me most of the time.  The other night we had planned to go eat dinner and it had been so long since I had seen him.  A little over a week.  Sarah called and said she just had to tell me what he had done.  He called her on her cell and asked if they were going to eat with me.  She told him yes and woohoo.  He told her thanks and thats all he wanted and hung up.  How sweet.  He is 5 and way too grown up for his age.  I love my baby so much.

And, another thing.  There is something going on that I can't talk about right now.  Some things have really been going my way lately and you have probably been able to tell from my page.  But I can't get into it right now.  I want to sooooo bad but I just can't.  I will soon tho I promise.  Hang in a few more days and I will either have to tell you guys or just explode.  It is worth the wait I promise.

Ok I'm going for now.  Wll be back soon.

Here is the link to where we are going....take a look.

http://www.tweetsie.com/